What are Apology and Forgiveness?
Making apologies and granting forgiveness are integral parts of any long-term resolution of an intractable conflict. Without them, it is all but impossible to achieve reconciliation and lasting peace.
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Apology and forgiveness are two sides of the same emotional coin. They reflect the constructive ways the oppressors and the oppressed in an intractable conflict can come to grips with the pain and suffering the conflict produced.
The oppressors who committed human rights violations and other atrocities have to take responsibility for their actions and apologize. An apology has to be heartfelt and reflect true remorse for past actions. An apology can still matter if it is made by someone who is several generations removed from the abuses, something President William Clinton understood when he apologized for slavery, even though it had been brought to an end almost a century before he was born.
By the same token, the victims of those atrocities have to find the space in their hearts to forgive those who victimized them, even though the pain and suffering will never disappear. But forgiving is just as important as apologizing in any society which wishes to put its struggles behind it and create a more peaceful and cooperative future.
In fact, atrocities are committed by both sides in most intractable conflicts. As a result, there is a need for all parties to make apologies and grant forgiveness. Nonetheless, because most of those disputes are "asymmetric" in the sense that one side has a lot more power than the other, the burden of apologizing tends to lie primarily with one side and that of forgiving with the other, something we saw in the South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission.
Why Apologies and Forgiveness Are Important
Additional insights into apology and forgiveness are offered by Beyond Intractability project participants.
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Apologies and forgiveness are important because intractable conflicts generate such deep and searing emotions. Even after the fighting stops, people still feel the pain, hurt, anger, fear, and hatred that produced the conflict and its horrors in the first place. Without apology and forgiveness, people remain locked in the value systems that produced the conflict. Little progress beyond a ceasefire can be made.
It is not easy, however, to apologize or forgive. To see that, consider two scenes from the remarkable documentary about the South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission, "Long Night's Journey Into Day."[1]
The film ends with the case of two policemen who had asked for amnesty for their killing of seven young black teenagers during the struggle for the townships in the 1980s. The apology made by the white officer was anything but heartfelt. He remained arrogant, and clearly was making the apology only in order to have a chance at gaining amnesty. His lack of sincerity was obvious; he was refused. The other officer was black. The film showed his hearing before the Commission, where it was clear that he truly felt remorse. Nonetheless, the mothers of the seven boys were still so grief-stricken almost 15 years after the murders that they broke down and had to be taken from the room.
The Commission then set up a meeting between the former officer and the seven women. The officer was in tears for much of the session. For much of the session, the mothers remained adamant in their refusal to forgive him. Finally, one of them noticed that his name means "prayer" in Xhosa, his native language. She told him that, as a Christian, she realized that she had a duty to forgive. At that point, you could feel the tension escape from the room. Those eight people, brought together in tragedy, were ready to move on with their personal and political lives.
The film opens with the story of the Biehl family. Amy Biehl was a Fulbright scholar working on the transition to democracy in South Africa in 1993 when she was killed by a mob of angry young black men in the Guguletu township outside of Cape Town, where the murder of those seven boys occurred. Amy's parents, Peter and Linda Biehl, decided not to seek vengeance but to continue their daughter's work by creating the Amy Biehl Foundation. Meanwhile, the four young men who killed Amy were arrested and sentenced to lengthy prison terms. They then petitioned the TRC for amnesty and release from prison. The Biehls decided to support their claim because of the young men's remorse and their own commitment to the broader process of reconciliation. The day before they testified, they met the families of two of the men. After the film was completed, the Amy Biehl Foundation not only paid for the two who had shown the most remorse to finish their education, they hired them after they graduated.
To again see the importance of apology and forgiveness, consider the reactions of Germany and Japan toward the people they abused during World War II. Every German government since the creation of the Federal Republic in 1949 has sought to establish good working relationships with Israel. German NGOs are actively engaged with Israel as well. All the major German political parties have active foundations which are major supporters of the social sciences and the peace process in Israel. The German national soccer team made a point of visiting Israel's Holocaust memorial when they went there to play an international match. Many -- though by no means all -- Germans have dug deeply into their own souls to try to figure out how their country could have produced the Third Reich, something the novelist Guenter Grass depicted in his novel Dog Years, in which the German teenagers born right after the war all get magic glasses that allow them to see what their parents did. The Israeli government has reciprocated. Although few politicians have ever formally forgiven the Germans, almost all of them work as comfortably with their German counterparts as they do with French, British, or American politicians.[2]
By contrast, the Japanese political elite are still divided over whether their government should apologize for some of its human-rights abuses, including forced prostitution in Korea, the "rape" of Nanjing, and the brutal treatment of British and Dutch prisoners of war. School textbooks, for instance, rarely even mention these events, whereas in Germany the rise and fall of Hitler's regime is a central theme in public education. Not surprisingly, most of the aging victims of those abuses continue to bear the Japanese considerable ill-will. While plenty of Jews are nowhere-near ready to "get over" the Holocaust, there is nothing in their public life that is anything like how the vitriol former British Prisoners of War demonstrate each year when they demand reparations for their treatment.
What Individuals, States, and Third Parties Can Do
As with everything involving reconciliation, apologizing and forgiving are, at their core, acts only individuals can perform. Of course, President Clinton could apologize for slavery or for failing to intervene in Rwanda on behalf of the American people. But his words are only empty rhetoric unless those same American people actually share those feelings.
But it is hard for people to apologize or forgive on their own. There are some remarkable human beings, like the Biehls, who can do so, but they are very much the exception to the rule. As a result, states and international NGOs normally have to take the lead and help average citizens see the need and then find the opportunity to apologize and forgive.
But Not Forget
There is an important but very common misperception about apology and forgiveness. When I talk to many of my fellow Jews about the need to forgive Germans so that we can "get beyond" the victim mentality so many of us still have following the Holocaust and the other trials we have suffered over the centuries, I'm frequently accused of saying I want them to forget those horrid events ever happened.
Absolutely not. We do have to remember the past as we consider ways of making certain holocausts never happen again. I live with the constant pain that much of my family was wiped out. We have pictures of relatives who were born at about the same time my mother was, in the early 1920s. She never met them because international travel was rare in the 1930s. She never will meet them because they are all dead. And I will never meet their children because they were never born. I once toured the Holocaust Museum in Washington with a group of CIA officers. The discussion we had during and after the visit was one of the most powerful and positive dialogues I've ever been a part of.
In other words, I can forgive because I can remember. And because I can forgive, I can work with ease with my German contemporaries, whose fathers may well have killed my cousins. And because so many Germans have apologized for what happened under the Nazis, they can work with people like me without feeling guilty for what their parents' generation did.
[1] Long Night's Journey Into Day, a documentary film written and directed by Frances Reid and Deborah Hoffmann, produced by Frances Reid, Iris Films. Information about the film and a lot of associated information can be found at http://www.irisfilms.org/longnight/index.htm.
[2] For another view of German/Jew reconciliation, read about (or listen to) the "To Reflect and Trust" project described in Julia Chaitin's essay on Narratives and Storytelling. See also the project Web site at http://www.toreflectandtrust.org/ and listen to her interview segment on TRT here.
Use the following to cite this article:
Hauss, Charles (Chip). "Apology and Forgiveness." Beyond Intractability. Eds. Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess. Conflict Research Consortium, University of Colorado, Boulder. Posted: September 2003 <http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/apology_forgiveness/>.
Sources of Additional, In-depth Information on this Topic
Additional Explanations of the Underlying Concepts:
Online (Web) Sources
Schneider, Carl D. ""I'm Sorry": The Power of Apology in Mediation." , 1900
Available at: http://www.mediate.com/articles/apology.cfm.
This article discusses the importance of an apology in mediation. It outlines whether or not to use it as a technique, assessing whether or not it will help, and the legalities surrounding an apology.
A Campaign for Forgiveness Research.
Available at: http://www.forgiving.org.
The Campaign for Forgiveness Research seeks to "deepen our understanding of forgiveness and begin the process of building many different roads to reconciliation." The organization supports a variety of research projects that deal with the power of forgiveness and reconciliation.
Coventry University: Centre for Forgiveness and Reconciliation.
Available at: Click here for more info.
This is the home page of this organization, which dedicates itself to promoting strategies for establishing sustainable peace in post-conflict regions. The organization is guided by the notion that forgiveness and reconciliation are essential components of lasting peace.
Rigby, Andrew. "Forgiving the Past: Paths Towards a Culture of Reconciliation." , 2000
Available at: Click here for more info.
"How do people come to terms with a legacy of past atrocities, abuses and criminal acts? How can the wounds caused by division and conflict be healed? How can a people recover from collective trauma?" The author answers these questions.
The Power of Apologies.
Available at: http://www.colorado.edu/Ombuds/Apologies1.pdf.
This short piece explains how to make an effective apology and discusses why an apology can be such a significant step toward repairing a damaged relationship.
Hartwell, Marcia Byrom. "The Role of Forgiveness in Reconstructing Society After Conflict." Journal of Humanitarian Assistance , 2000
Available at: http://www.jha.ac/articles/a048.htm.
This paper will addresses the topic of forgiveness by first defining it and secondly by focusing on its possibility and relevance in a post conflict situation. It will consider forgiveness within the framework of social reconciliation a collective attempt to rebuild a mutually beneficial and co-operative civil society by examining the concept of justice, by drawing upon psychological models of interpersonal forgiveness, and by considering other strategies for social healing. The traditional model of justice as fairness is questioned in its effectiveness to stop cycles of revenge and violence within a country. A more recent evolution of a "justice as reconciliation" paradigm developed by Mahmood Mamdani and derived from the South African experience, is explored as an approach that can embrace the process of forgiveness within the construction of reconciliation.
Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance.
Available at: http://www.forgivenessday.org/.
This is the home page of The Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance, which is a non-profit educational foundation dedicated to evoking the healing power of forgiveness worldwide. It is a non-denominational organization, open to all religions, creeds and beliefs. The Alliance promotes forgiveness as a way of creating a safer, more joyful and peaceful world. The site offers access to a variety of resources about forgiveness and how to achieve it.
Offline (Print) Sources
Minow, Martha L. "Defining Vengeance and Forgiveness." In Between Vengeance and Forgiveness: Facing History After Genocide and Mass Violence. Boston: Beacon Press, 1998. Pages: 9-24.
Theoretical discussion of the area between the concepts of vengeance and forgiveness.
Minow, Martha L. Between Vengeance and Forgiveness: Facing History After Genocide and Mass Violence. Boston: Beacon Press, 1998.
This book looks at the capacity and limitations of formal national responses to genocide, systematic rapes, and mass torture. Such responses have come in the form of legal proceedings, truth commission, reparations, and memorials, and give rise to questions about retributive justice, forgiveness, and healing.
Montiel, Christina Jayne. "Constructive and Destructive Post-Conflict Forgiveness." Peace Review 12:1, 2000.
"Religious moralists tend to perceive forgiveness as always good, while individuals immersed in the realpolitik of social conflicts tend to see forgiveness as always bad. This article aims to narrow the cognitive gap between moral thinkers and sociopolitical practitioners by exploring the conditional elements that result in constructive or destructive forgiveness."
Luskin, Frederic. Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness. Harper Collins, November 24, 2001.
Luskin, a practicing psychologist and co-founder of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, shows why forgiveness is important for mental and physical health, explains how to form a grievance and suggests practical steps for healing. He uses examples from his clinical practice including instances of broader cultural grievances like those between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland in this solidly researched and convincing guide." -From Publishers Weekly
Helmick, Raymond G. and Rodney L. Petersen, eds. Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Religion, Public Policy, and Conflict Transformation. Philadelphia: Templeton Foundation Press, June 1, 2001.
"This book brings together a unique combination of experts in the area of conflict resolution and focuses on the role forgiveness can play in the process. It deals with the theology, public policy, psychological and social theory, and social policy implementation of forgiveness." - Templeton Foundation Press
Larsen, Earnie and Carol Larsen Hegarty. From Anger to Forgiveness: A Practical Guide to Breaking the Negative Power of Anger and Achieving Reconciliation. New York: Hazeldon Information Education, 1992.
This book presents a new strategy for acknowledging feelings of resentment and rage and moving beyond them to forgiveness.
Staub, Ervin and Laurie Anne Pearlman. "Healing, Reconciliation and Forgiving after Genocide and Other Collective Violence." In Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Religion, Public Policy, and Conflict Transformation. Edited by Petersen, Rodney L. and Raymond G. Helmick, eds. Philadelphia: Templeton Foundation Press, 2001.
This chapter will explore the impact of collective violence on victims and, to some degree, on perpetrators as well. It will consider the role of healing, forgiveness, and reconciliation in building a better future in societies in which such violence had taken places. As a primary example, the chapter will focus on Rwanda, where the authors have been conducting a project on healing, forgiveness, and reconciliation.
Schmidt, Janet P. "Mediation and the Healing Journey Toward Forgiveness ." 14:3, 1993.
The main theme of the article is the process of forgiveness and the role mediators play in this healing journey. The author describes the healing process from two points of view: the victims' journey and the offenders' journey. Each journey follows a set of stages, although this is not necessarily a linear process.
Click here for more info.
McCullough, Michael E., Steven J. Sandage and Everett L. Worthington, Jr. To Forgive is Human: How to Put Your Past in the Past. Inter-Varsity Press, 1997.
This book, drawing primarily on psychological research, presents a discussion of the dynamics of forgiveness, and offers practical advice on how people can learn to forgive in an effective and constructive way.
Schneider, Carl D. "What It Means to Be Sorry: The Power of Apology in Mediation." Mediation Quarterly 17:3, 2000.
"The importance of apology as acknowledgment of injury is familiar in some forms of mediation, including victim-offender mediation, but it has been much less understood in divorce mediation. The act of apology represents one of the core reparative opportunities in damaged relations. But it's not easy. This article describes the opportunity that apology presents, the difficulty we have in seizing that opportunity, and the role that third parties can play in inviting apology. It identifies (1) what is involved in a genuine apology, including three essential components; (2) the place of apology in mediation, including recognizing it as an acknowledgment of injury and identifying how to assist clients in offering an apology; and (3) the relation of apology to the adversarial system."
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Examples Illustrating this Topic:
Online (Web) Sources
Apology Australia.
Available at: http://apology.west.net.au/.
A site where Australians can add their names to an apology to Aboriginal people affected by government policy which forcible split up families. There are currently over 24,700 names on the list. The page also has links to related information on Aboriginal reconciliation.
Menkin, Elizabeth S. "Life After Death." Online Journal of Peace and Conflict Resolution, Vol. 1, No. 2 , May 1998
Available at: http://www.trinstitute.org/ojpcr/1_2menkin.htm.
The author gives a personal account of her struggle with the tragic death of her sister at the hands of a drunk driver. She shares how she was led to victim-offender mediation, and finally forgiveness.
Young, Paula M. "Mediation and the Power of an Apology: The Case of the Missing Snowman." , April 2000
Available at: http://mediate.com/articles/young3.cfm.
This article features and discusses a case where mediation provides a forum in which forgiveness and apology play a critical role in reaching emotional resolution of the dispute.
The Forgiveness Party.
Available at: http://www.co-intelligence.org/S-forgivenessparty.html.
This is the story of self-motivated restorative justice, which centers around a "forgiveness party" thrown by the victims of a burglary.
Tuskegee University National Center for Bioethics.
Available at: http://www.tuskegee.edu/Global/category.asp?C=35026.
This site gives the full text of President Clinton's 1997 apology to participants in the the Tuskegee syphilis study conducted 1932-1972. There are also links to additional coverage of the apology and audio clips.
Offline (Print) Sources
Krog, Antjie and Charlayne Hunter-Gault. Country of My Skull: Guilt, Sorrow, and the Limits of Forgiveness in the New South Africa. New York: Times Books, March 1999.
This work is an account of the trials and tribulations of the hearings of the South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission, as the nation attempted to reconcile in the wake of apartheid.
Bartoli, Andrea . "Forgiveness and Reconciliation in the Mozambique Peace Process." In Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Religion, Public Policy, and Conflict Transformation. Edited by Petersen, Rodney L. and Raymond G. Helmick, eds. Philadelphia: Templeton Foundation Press, 2001.
"This chapter will argue that the religious leaders, actors, and entities played a crucially active and indispensable role in the peace process both locally and internationally....A religious contribution made the political discourse more flexible and able to respond to the increased complexity of the process."
Henderson, Michael. Forgiveness: Breaking the Chain of Hate. Bookpartners Inc., March 1, 2002.
This book presents forgiveness as an important step toward reconcilliation and healing. It gives accounts of individuals and groups who have chosen to forgive injurious offenses, and have thus contributed to positive change in their communities and nations.
Tutu, Desmond Mpilo. No Future Without Forgiveness. Doubleday, 2000.
This is a first-hand account of South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Desmond Tutu's book outlines the reasons why South Africa preferred a truth and reconciliation commission to a war crimes tribunal. Desmond Tutu argues that truth commissions were the only viable option for South Africa following apartheid. He believes that the future depends on dealing with the past in a way that paves the way for a future of coexistence and understanding.
Govier, Trudy. "The Ethics of Forgiveness." Interaction 6:3, 1994.
Govier explores the notion of forgiveness in the example of the attempts of reconciliation between victims and agents of Stasi spying in the former East Germany.
Amstutz, Mark. The Healing of Nations: The Promise and Limits of Political Forgiveness. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, 2005.
Although regimes have rarely explicitly pursued such a strategy, this book argues for the importance of forgiveness in political ethics, especially when dealing with collective wrongdoing by political regimes. Click here for more info.
Lederach, John Paul. "The Meeting Place." In Journey Towards Reconciliation. Edited by Lederach, John Paul, ed. Harald Press, 1998.
The author describes that the most important gifts that he recieved through his experiences was a new set of lenses. For fleeting moments I was able to see things around me in new ways. Through their eyes I saw beyond conflict resolution to reconciliation. Click here for more info.
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Audiovisual Materials on this Topic:
Offline (Print) Sources
Kim's Story: The Road from Vietnam. Directed and/or Produced by: Saywell, Shelley. First Run Icarus Films. 1996.
This film relates the story of Kim Phuc, who years after reaching world renown as the nine-year old girl who was running naked in the famous Vietnam War photograph, went to the US were she promoted an atmosphere of peace and forgiveness. Click here for more info.
Long Night's Journey into Day: South Africa's Search for Truth and Reconciliation . Directed and/or Produced by: Hoffmann, Deborah and Frances Reid. California Newsreel. 2000.
This film follows several South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission cases over a two-year period. Click here for more info.
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Teaching Materials on this Topic:
Online (Web) Sources
International Forgiveness Institute (IFI).
Available at: http://www.forgiveness-institute.org/.
This is the home page of the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI), which is a private, non-profit organization that was established in 1994. The IFI is an outgrowth of the social scientific research on the process and effects of forgiveness, done at the University of Wisconsin-Madison since 1985 by Robert Enright and his colleagues. The Institute publishes a thrice-yearly publication, entitled "The World of Forgiveness," which highlights work on forgiveness within such varied domains as the peace movement, the legal profession, English literature, psycotherapy, educational and developmental psycology and other disciplines. One of the major goals of IFI is to disseminate sound, accurate information about forgiveness to people across the globe and to accelerate IFI's action-oriented programs, in order to help individuals, families, and communities to explore and implement forgiveness for the purpose of restoring healthy emotions, rebuilding relationships, and establishing more peaceful communities.
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